Supporting ourselves as our children return to school
The school year is upon us again, bringing with it all sorts of turbulence to our lives and the lives of the little people in our care. It can be difficult for us to hold space for our kids and all the big feelings that a new routine can generate if we are running on empty. I know that it’s harder for me to be a patient and empathetic parent when I’m not caring for myself. I also know that the greater the kids need for me, the more I need to give myself. So, in times of change, like returning to school, for example, I need to increase my self-care practices. This is hard to balance. Large blocks of time are not available to me, and whilst I’d love a half-day in the spa, I have to care for myself in smaller pockets of time.
Here are some things that are helpful for me in supporting myself.
Start with the Non-Negotiables. I have five non-negotiables that are my bare minimum for self-care. If I notice I’m getting sharp or snappy with my loved ones, I’m usually missing one of these key elements and I need to adjust. These are different for everybody and may even change depending on the season of life or the time of year.
Water.
Often that sluggish, tired feeling that has me reaching for my third cup of coffee is dehydration and can be combatted by drinking a big glass of water. If I’m on top of my hydration, I have more energy and more energy means more capacity for whatever my kids might throw at me.
Movement.
As well as attending a weekly yoga class, I try to move my body, in some small way, every single day. It’s amazing how a dance around the kitchen or a few moments of gentle movement on the mat can shift my mood and even energise me when I’m feeling off. This is a wonderful opportunity to model the benefits of movement for my children too. Getting out for a walk or a bounce on the trampoline, as a family, generally gives everyone a new lease of life. Blasting some music and dancing it out, when everyone is feeling a bit grumpy, works great to shift the energy in our house.
Meditation.
Hear me out with this one. I’m not talking about 45 minutes sitting cross-legged in serenity. I’m talking about 2 minutes of focusing on the breath, twice a day. I usually do this in the car when I park at work and before I leave work to collect the kids. Studies have shown that meditation can help to reduce stress, improve concentration and support better sleep and just one minute of meditation is enough to get started. (reference below)
Solo Sipping.
I drink one cup of tea or coffee in solitude each day. It’s a five-minute practice that helps me to feel like I’ve had at least some time to myself that day. I’ll always shoot for a bit longer, but just this few minutes, helps me to snap out of the mindset that ‘I never have any time for myself.’
Sleep
I know. As parents and carers it’s not as straightforward as just getting to bed earlier because there are often barriers to this. The laundry is piling up, the kids are waking up or we haven’t had any time to relax and we don’t want to compromise this. Whilst my kids are in this season of needing me to fall asleep and waking often and I’m trying to balance the house, a job and some time with my husband in the evening, I focus on getting to bed early, really early, on two weeknights. This means on two evenings, I down tools and get myself to bed by 9 pm. This way I don’t feel I’m completely missing out and I’m less likely to suffer if my kids have a couple of bad nights or I decide to spend one of my evenings watching ‘just one more’ of whatever I’m enjoying on TV.
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Beyond the basics.
My non-negotiables are daily practices that I have built into my daily rhythm over time. But when my children need me the most is when I need to up my game. And also the time that I am most likely to neglect myself. Here are some of the ways I avoid this pitfall and incorporate some bigger practices into a busy season of life.
Trade Time
As we finally begin to open up, trading time with another parent is a great way to carve out an opportunity for those greater acts of care. I’ll have a friend’s kids over to play while she does something for herself and then we trade on another day.
Nap Time
I still have one kiddo who naps and in that time… I do not clean. I used to. But now, if we’re home during naps, I take a break and use that time to read or catch up with a friend on the phone or for my yoga practice. It gets trickier now that I also have a non-napper, but this is where she might colour or get out her art stuff that is harder to use with a toddler around.
Prioritise Time
Sometimes it is more important that I walk away from the dishes, or put on a pizza instead of cooking what I had planned. I usually know it’s that kind of a moment if I’m extra snappy or on edge, or a basic task is causing me more frustration than seems warranted. In these moments, I drop everything I can safely drop and give myself the same compassion I would give a friend in the same situation.
Balancing time for ourselves with the needs of our kids is just one of the challenges posed to us as parents. For me, I view these small acts of kindness towards myself, as preparation. Much like I prepare to teach a yoga class or for my job, I prepare for my role as parent, by keeping my tank topped up. But if the opportunity arises, I won’t say no to a day in the spa!
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